Number 1: Indiana Jones is a wuss. (And he badly needs a new stylist.)
I went to the drive-in yesterday to see what would have been a wonderful double feature Kung-Fu Panda and Indiana Jones. It would have been wonderful if the second feature hadn’t been Indiana Jones and the Crystal Who-Gives-A-Crap.
If you haven’t seen this movie, do yourself a favor and skip it. It’s not worth the let down. It’s badly paced, badly written and plain old just bad.
You couldn’t have put more crap in a movie if you’d edited the thing in a moving train car full of cattle.
The beginning is slow and occasionally stupid. The middle is long and occasionally mind numbingly boring, and the ending. . . OMG! What The Crap!
I adore the Indiana Jones series of movies and I can only pray that this is not the one that they go out on. It will tarnish the memories of every good film Harrison Ford has ever made. I say find a decent writer and start again. Then tell us this one was some strange practical joke and that we should just forget we ever saw it.
Seriously, though, Movie Industry. If you are going to rob us of 12 dollars (which is what most people in the country will pay to see this snot) at least knock us out first, so that we don’t actually have to watch you destroy the fondest memories of our youth.
Anyone who has seen this movie and loves it, please I must know two things. Firstly, what movie were you watching, because mine sucked
Then, what drug and/or alcohol did you take and/or drink before the movie, and is it legal in the lower 48?
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Number 2: Jack Black is a darn good panda.
Whether you have kids or not, you have to see Kung-Fu Panda. It is wonderful. It has story and heart and really, terrifically amazing voice acting. I was so overjoyed by having seen this movie first that I didn’t come home and jump out the window because I was forced to watch Indiana Jones and the Crystal What-The-Crap?!
Please go watch this movie!! It is wonderful! You must believe me, because I have never been a fan of Jack Black. I’m still not a fan of his, but I am a fan of this movie and those amazing animals.
There is a wonderful story about being yourself and learning to accept yourself and your own dreams. It is not as violent as it sounds, it’s basically nerve tweaking and rapid kung-fu movements. I don’t recall seeing one drop of blood or even sweat. It’s slightly scary in places. The prison and the scenes surrounding it are a little dark. My four year old loved it. It has a normal Hollywood ending. It seems too short. I hope they make at least one sequel.
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PS: For those of you who don’t know, the bad guy. . .er animal, Tai Lung, is voiced by Ian McShane. I mention this because I didn’t know before hand and I was wracking my brain all the way to the credits trying to remember where I had heard that voice before. Mind you I have always been a huge fan of Ian McShane. But that is just proof of the great voice acting in this film.
So, in conclusion: Jones Sucks and The Panda will blow your mind.
Gabriela Delworth says:
Hello,
Love Jack Black and his “School of Rock”!
I will definitely check the Kung Fu Panda.
~ Gabriela ~
August 8, 2008, 8:12 PMJen says:
Thanks for the info–I was thinking of seeing the indiana jones movie..but won’t!
August 28, 2008, 12:21 PMand I love jack black…so I will definitely see that movie!
RJ Larese says:
Hi!
This is kind of out-of-the-blue, but I’m working on casting a television show for a major women’s network, about women with phobias. I came across your blog and was reading about you having a phobia. If you could email me at “RJLareseCasting@gmail.com”, I could tell you more about the show and verify that this is all legitimate. Talk to you soon.
Best,
February 25, 2009, 8:05 PMRJ Larese