A Little More
I wake the brat up early and it irritates her so much she gives me the silent treatment until lunch.
“We could’ve slept in, Les. You’ve been waking me up early every day for the last week. I’m tired. I want to go home.”
“Really? You’re not going to do this, now, are you?”
“Do what?”
“‘I’m just a little kid and I want my mommy!’ Because it’s not going to work. You are stronger than that. You are stronger than you’ve ever been. I’ve made sure of it. I’m waiting, but I’m tired. This might be the last time I make this long strange journey and I want to be able to make sure we both survive it.”
Tears in blue eyes. Another thing I’m used to, but hate. I put my arm around her and wipe her eyes with my fingertips. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart. We’ll be home in a day or so and you’ll get settled in and things will be better. I promise you.”
“Robin? You okay, hon? You’re awful quiet.”
“Not really. I’m talking to Les.”
“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“It’s okay. I was just feeling homesick. He always helps me feel better when I’m down.”
“I’m glad you have him, then. I wish --”
Go ahead and finish that statement. I’ll give you nightmares you’ll pray not to remember. Robin grabs my hand and pulls on me and I suddenly remember she can hear my thoughts, feel my emotions. Damn it! Why does it have to be so hard?
“It’s alright,” I tell her. “She seems to have thought better of it.”
She never did finish the thought. A wish unmade can break a heart, but this time it saves one, a little.
“Never mind. I was just thinking about when I was a little girl.”
Unable to stand it anymore I turn and tell the child I’ll be back later. I shift away, into the transient darkness and let myself fade out.
When I finally shift back it’s late. The child is in the backseat of the car, sleeping. I sit in the front by Leigh for a few minutes. As it turns out, a few minutes too long.
“Damn you, Les.”
What?
“Why did you do this? Whatever you are, how could you leave her? She looked for you all day. You can’t just abandon her. You have to come back. Damn it! Come back to her!”
I shift to the back seat and lay my hand on Robin’s hair. She wakes instantly and sits up, burying her little face into my chest, right over my heart. She’s sobbing.
“I looked for you all day,” she whispers. “I thought you had left me.”
“I promised I wouldn’t. I just needed to go for awhile.”
“Did you see her?”
Another thing she never does, ask about the other place. “What is this all about? Are you suddenly jealous?”
“No. I just wondered how she is.”
“She is the same. She’ll be the same until I’m done here.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Always.”
The word hangs in the air longer than I had intended, the sound of it strange in my ears.
“I’ll do whatever I have to do to help you. It won’t be long.”
Again, she talks about time as if she could fathom it.
“Sure. Robin, now go to sleep.”
“Robin?” Leigh looking up, noticing the waking child.
“Yes.”
“Les is back?”
“Uh huh. He was just visiting.”
“Visiting?”
“Leave it alone, Robin.”
“He wants me to leave it alone. It makes him too sad.”
“Sad?”
She stares into the rear view mirror for a long moment. “At least he’s back.”
“Yes. At least he’s back.”
I am back and I will stay, for a long while.
